Wishing and wanting

These last days have been filled with wishing and wanting…

Wishing for things to be different, wishing for certain people to be with me, here, wishing for a surprise…

But I find wishing easy, I mean, here I am wishing for a surprise. I don’t know if it’ll come true. Actually I’m pretty sure it won’t come true, but somehow it’s easier to manage when I keep seeing the impediments, the logical facts of it not coming true, simply because I wished for it.

What is hard, is the wanting. Because right now I’m wanting, no, needing, the closeness. The “being there for me”, the “holding tight” part, the “laying down without a care” part, the “arms around me” part, the “small kisses on the nape” part, the “stupid words that I come up with, that make no sense to others but me and yet it’s funny as hell” part.

I’m wanting all these things, and wishing for them to happen, but I know that’s a pretty difficult task, since I don’t move a single finger to see them come through, to make them happen. I’m expecting for them to come to me, which is crazy, but I’m not making any moves towards…I only stay put. And I realize that sooner rather than later I’ll have to start somewhere, to get up from my lazy-ass and make a move,but I’m holding back and being selfish, when that’s the last thing I want to be…

But hey, maybe it’s my period that’s approaching, or just my birthday making me want that surprise really bad… but I keep wishing and wanting.